Then, I "heard" someone near to me explain to a friend not to ask if I was pregnant. And the friend asked, why? To which this person responded, "oh just because it's a touchy subject. This is just the biggest we've ever seen her."
WTF???
It's one thing to explain to someone you and I both barely know that maybe asking if I'm pregnant is not the best question because we've obviously been trying. But then to throw out that last part, it was completely unnecessary and irrelevant.
So, for the past 27 hours I have been replaying those words over and over and over again. It's not easy to see someone so close to you say something like that. I mean, if anyone at all said that it would feel really hurtful!
So. Here I am. Discouraged to the max. Not understanding why I have some emotional relationship with food, but it turns out that I do. People think it's as easy as just eat healthy and workout. It could be. But when food is no longer fuel and becomes sort of a codependent personal relationship in your life, separating that bond is the hardest thing. My body and my emotions are addicted to what they both derive from the relationship.
I'm trying folks. This is difficult for me to understand. And even harder to share with others. But this is a very real and embarrassing struggle. I just want to be able to help even one person along this journey. I look ahead and it's really hard to picture success. So, I'm hoping that this struggle with prove that I can do hard things. I can take it just one day at a time. And if I can do it, I promise you can.
That's all for now! I don't post very often. I'm not much for blogs - I don't read them and I don't enjoy writing them. Maybe, tonight I just needed I vent, and the unseen eyes that might pass along this site feels like someone could be listening.
Buenas Noches Queridos Amigos!
Ps my post title references my dear musically inclined Disney friend, Pocahontas. That's right. Not the real Pocahontas, the animated one. And that is my jam tonight.
